When I see a fellow human being engaging in behavior that I personally do not like. I try to make myself aware of two important concepts:
#1 What is it about this person/behavior I do not like?
#2 People are not their patterns.
I remind myself (of my belief) that all people are good to the core. They developed patterns to help them cope/run their life. Sometimes we are aware of these patterns running, sometimes we are not.
They are a good person, the pattern I may not like or agree with.
When we do not like something/someone; What's actually going on within me? Somewhere in my life I came to a decision about this person or thing and labeled it "bad" or "I don't like this".
Things are just things, people are just people, I at somepoint made a value judgement.
So now, is this still true? Am I acting out of MY pattern?!
There are two modes that humans use to process information (a stimulus): A PATTERNED mode and a ME mode.
Humans are generally capable of processing at least 1 billion bits of information per second in there patterned mode (automatically/unconscious). They are capable of processing only about 16 bits of information per second in the ME mode (awarely/conscious).
The PATTERNED mode is rigid, reliable, and repetitive.
The ME mode is flexible, creative, and aware of surrounding changing circumstances.
The ME mode is the programmed mode. In it we programmed all of our behaviors and beliefs which are the basis of PATTERNED mode.
We depend upon lots of useful patterns: walking driving, talking, writing, saying “Hello” when we answer the phone, climbing stairs, etc.
Troublesome patterns are usually learned in childhood or during a traumatic event. They were created by the ME mode in an effort to protect ourselves and/or to get what we needed.
Patterns are like computer programs. Once they are triggered, they continually run in exactly the same way until they are complete; regardless of current circumstances.
Patterns are often triggered by subtle and irrelevant cues based in the holographic nature of the brain.
The higher the current stress level, the more likely the pattern will run even when you absolutely know that you do not want to do what you are doing.
Each time a pattern runs, it is strengthened.
Patterns often have a flip side, which is a complementary pattern (the exact opposite of the original pattern). So just because we are doing the opposite of what we usually do in our pattern does not mean we have broken the pattern
Patterns can be thought of as either “intermittent” or “chronic”.
When characteristics resembling the original upsetting situation trigger the pattern, we call it re-stimulation.
The person might be un-aware of the original experience that the Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors of the original situation(s) in which the pattern was established.
When stress and distress and our accompanying efforts to avoid them, occupy our awareness, we do not have enough free attention left over to notice the details of a present situation happening and therefore our response to the new happening is normally “a patterned response” based in the past and maybe not appropriate to the present situation.
So we repeat our patterned behavior, even if it is an unwanted behavior. This can happen while we are in the midst of resisting the behavior. So the pattern is strengthened and more solidly in place for the next re-stimulation.
Becomeing aware of your TRIGGERS and asking the 2 questions at the begining can help you to become aware of your own patterns as well as see when someone else is running a pattern. That way you can seporate the person from the pattern and continue to see the good in the person and yourself!