Our Shadow is the part of ourselves that we prefer...well... were not part of ourselves. The part of ourselves that is almost scary and we’d prefer not to “go there”. We have deemed this part of ourselves as shameful, out of control, embarrassing, and the like. We might even prefer to disown this part of us and we push it away to the back of our minds or to the unconscious mind.
Unfortunately, and often enough, what we resist: persists.
In order to love yourself completely, to be whole; we must love those parts too!
At some point in your life, most likely when you were a young child still trying to figure out the world, you made a decision that kept you alive. The situation may not have been actually deadly but to a young mind, it may have felt like it. So you made a decision with the knowledge and skills you had up until that point. You also made up a story about yourself to help you cope with the situation. The story and the decision were probably the best choice you could have made and it served you well. You survived!
I’ll give an example, which many of us can relate to- emotional eating. As a young girl, I was one of the unfortunate people who did not get a kind, warm, loving embrace from a nurturing mother as all little boys and girls need. When I was sad or upset, this was more of a burden to my mother and I was told to “go to my room and cry”. My NEED for love and comfort were not met by my caregiver but my needs still needed to get met!
I would go to the fridge and take a slice of cheese and in that moment, I would feel better.
Thank you food for taking care of me!
The body’s one and only job is to keep you alive. Every decision it ever makes is what it BELIEVES is in its best interest. To this day, I have had lots of guilt and shame around my weight and body which becomes a vicious cycle when my coping mechanism is to eat to feel comfort. I need love, I need to be nourished, and I need to be nurtured. Yet, I fear asking for it or even believing I can get it because my little girl decided a long time ago, that I didn’t deserve it. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to MY shadow.
My shadow, your shadow are likely the result of an unmet need. What happens when we have a need but don’t get that need met? A shadow emerged as a constant reminder that there is an unresolved part of us that still needs healing. The shadow will come out, it must! If we don’t examine our shadows in a safe space they will come out backwards and sideways through anger and judgement, negative thoughts and actions. If we keep them inside or “bottle them up” they stay stuck in our bodies, create illnesses, problems, or dis-eases.
The shadow seems scary because we probably asked to get that need met in one form or another. That need was not only NOT met but instead we were made to feel worse for having it. To go back to that place alone only brings up anxiety, stress, and fear. We may have been shamed, embarrassed, or made to feel guilty instead of accepted, loved, and cared for. We learned it’s best to hide that part of ourselves, that’s not safe to express that, and that we’re somehow “bad” for having that thought, feeling, or need.
To examine the shadow is to go against our very survival! YET, it is the very thing we need to do in order to undo the damage that’s been done. We need to go back in time to when that emotional scar was made and instead of being shamed, embarrassed, or made to feel guilty; we meet that need with the love and understanding that a kind nurturing parent would have given us. We go back in time with all the knowledge and skills of our current wise selves have and we get that need met.
Now, I know we can’t actually go back into the past but we can revisit those memories and change how we felt in that time and place. They are memories for a reason; it was a highly emotional experience your mind decided was important to remember. Whatever age you were, was when the shadow was born. We can heal those wounds, we can examine our shadows; this can be done alone or with the help of a mentor, coach, or guide.
I hope this helps you on your path.
Namaste- The soul in me; honors the soul in you.
In LaK’ech- I am another you.